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Tuesday, March 25th, 2003

Subject:Busy, busy, busy...
Time:2:12 pm.
Mood: happy.
I've been on the go so much lately. I feel like I'm losing myself in all the chaos. So much in my life has changed in the past 3 months. My head is spinning!!! Don't get me wrong, it's changes for the good but a little overwhelming all at once.

I can remember a time when I wished I had more to do. I wished I was more involved...now I'd love a free night at home with nothing planned. It feels like I'm going here than I have to be somewhere over there and oh I'm not even going to try to attempt that. I mean really, can a girl get a night off?!?!

It's funny how your life and your daily activities can change so fast. I would have to say that I'm happy with how things are right now and I'm feeling better. I'm more optimistic about my future and less afraid. Those of you who really know me, know that this is a milestone for me. I'm gonna ride it till the wheels fall off!
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Wednesday, February 26th, 2003

Subject:Have to make this one quick
Time:4:11 pm.
Mood: busy.
This week as been a busy one. I've got so much to do in the next 2 weeks! I'm feeling rather apprehensive about moving. Luckily, I've been so busy lately it hasn't really bothered me that much. I thought I had more to say than that but I guess not.

Gotta go - I'm meeting a friend for dinner.
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Sunday, February 23rd, 2003

Subject:I want heat!!
Time:8:14 pm.
Mood: content.
I had a good weekend. Got a lot of things done and feel closer to getting settled.

I lied in my bed today for the first time in awhile. I miss it and will be glad when my new room is ready.

I saw my grandparents today! The family went to eat after church. It's good to see everyone. I spend the afternoon at my parents. My mom and I watched Sweet Home Alabama.

I'm gonna go watch The Grammys with Shea and eat cheesecake. YUM!!!!!!
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Monday, February 17th, 2003

Subject:Where do I begin?
Time:9:28 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Gosh, I can't believe how badly I've abandon this thing. Really, I didn't mean to be so neglectful. It's just that sooooo much has been going on. I had a feeling this would be a busy year for me and it's starting out that way. No complaints though.

I'm moving out of my apartment and in with the Coffman Tribe the first weekend in March. I'll miss my cute little place!! I already miss it and I haven't even left yet.

April 1st I start Cosmetology school in Blue Springs. I'm so looking forward to this. I'm nervous but it's a good nervous. I wish Amber could go with me. It would be so much fun to go to school with her. It would feel like high school again. Hahaha...

I've been spending a lot of time with Shea. Surprisingly, I'm having so much fun with him. I can remember a time when he drove me nuts. But know he's so awesome to be around. I'm so proud of the man he's becoming.

I'm so glad to finally be free of Verizon. I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that place. It's gotten a little better now that we're coming to an end but it still sucks. Although, a small part of me will miss it.

So many chapters in my life are coming to a close. I feel excited but somewhat uncertain about that. I know I'm probably just freakin out about it. That whole phobia I have with change tends to dictate how I live my life. But I'm changing that about myself. It all starts here.

The one thing I'm not happy about that has changed lately is the lack of time I've spent with my family. I feel like I've just abandoned them. I think my mom has notice the distance. I can tell by the way she looks at me every Sunday morning in church. Almost like she wants to say something motherly about me being "too busy" but she doesn't want to annoy me. I think I'll call her.

Oh and I've learned how to drive a 5-speed, crochet and I took cake decorating classes all in the last 4 months.
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Monday, January 6th, 2003

Time:10:11 pm.
Today I will run as fast as I can and fall at the feet of this beautiful man.
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Sunday, January 5th, 2003

Time:11:45 pm.
Mood: loved.
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
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Monday, December 23rd, 2002

Subject:My new found love for body art
Time:7:22 pm.
Mood: mellow.
I've been thinking, I really want to get another tattoo. Like really bad!!! I want like a little strawberry but I don't know where to put it. I've heard tattoos are contagious but I always said it wouldn't happen to me. I got one about a year and a half ago then I added to it in July, now I want another. I hope this tattoo desire stops here. I don't want to be one of those 45 year-old women who have like 10 sporadically placed tattoos. I don't know but I think within the next 3-6 months I'll get one. If I go back to Wilmington next year I'll probably get one then BUT that's it. I PROMISE!!!
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Friday, December 13th, 2002

Subject:Finally, it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time:8:59 am.
Mood: awake.
I'm having a good day today. I'm actually really shocked, considering I'm at work. However the day as been good to me thus far. I have a lot of meetings and offline time today, which means I won't be chained to the phone taking calls(ugh)!! That's the worst and the main reason why I hate my job.

On a more positive note. I'm looking forward to the weekend. Hopefully Amber and I can get some last minute shopping done. We need to get my Dad something!!! I love to Christmas shop. I love the holiday feeling, decorations and even the cold weather.

I'm really amazed at my good mood today. And to think, I almost didn't get out of bed this morning.
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Monday, December 9th, 2002

Subject:Today sucked...
Time:4:14 pm.
I hate Mondays! To think about it I hate everyday thats not a weekend or paid holiday. I wish I was a baller or even a shot caller then maybe I wouldn't be so cynical.
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Thursday, December 5th, 2002

Subject:About a boy I usest to know....
Time:10:30 pm.
Mood: indifferent.
You made me curious, filled me with hope. Showed me there was something better. I loved spending time with you.
Just hanging out doing nothing was enough for me. You had this way of making me feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I liked that about you. You taught me to never settle and that I deserve to be treated like a queen. I wish you were still here. I wish we could hang out like before. The friendship we had can't compare to any other I've ever experienced. We were so close. We told each other everything. Oh, how I miss that. I miss the summer nights staying up late watching MTV. I miss how you wouldn't even put one foot in my bedroom because it wasn't "right". That still makes me laugh when I think about it. I miss the way you look when you sleep. I miss seeing you every Sunday morning. I miss looking forward to the weekend when you would be here. The weekend visitor or the "WV" is what we called you. And all those goofy pictures we would take together. You made getting through the week easier. We were one girl and one boy who were friends, just friends. Not lovers, not friends of friends...just really close friends. It was as easy as that. I do think about you everyday and what could have happened if you hadn't left. I wonder what you're doing now and if you're truly happy. Thanks for being in my life at that time. The way I felt then is probably one of the happiest times I've experienced. I learned a lot from just knowing you. Maybe one day you'll come back around again.
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Sunday, December 1st, 2002

Subject:Lucky Me
Time:4:12 pm.
Mood: content.
These last 4 days have been great. I've spent it with family & friends. Not just "family & friends" but with the people who truly love me and who I feel most comfortable with. I'm so blessed!! I have everything I need. I feel ungrateful for ever complaining about anything in life. God has taken good care of me as he always will!!!!!!!!

My sister and I were up at the crack of dawn Friday morning rearing to shop. We were shopping from 6:30 to 2:30. It was good for us to do that, we needed that time to get back to being sisters. Not just two people who were raised together and get on each other's nerves. I feel bad because we have fallen apart. I've been selfish and not there for her like she's needed. I want to make that right. We're close and will always be that way. She needs me and I need her.

With 2003 approaching, I feel like something good is ahead of me. I know it sounds stupid but I do. I'm ready for this year to end and something new to begin. I think January will bring happy experiences for me.
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Tuesday, November 26th, 2002

Subject:What we've come to.....
Time:10:27 pm.
Mood: crushed.
My intentions weren't to feel the same as before but I got swept away. And how could I not, from the same place brought up the same way. Besides you make me smile. But you're like day and night, hot and cold. One day you love me, the other you seem to can't get rid of me. Why are you so back and forth? It gets under my skin and haunts me. These actions you're taking is bringing resentment and doubt to our friendship. Please don't ruin this between us. Lately I've found myself trying to push you out but you keep popping up again. Why do I torture myself like I do? It seems as if everything is a guess and nothings for sure. I HATE this!!!! I HATE these terms our friendship as come to. I want more, so much more. Slowly I'm realizing that you might never let me in. You have this circle of friends that you are not willing to open and let more in. I'm scared for you. I don't think you want any new relationships of any kind. Your heartache and pain has made you incapable of loving anyone else. This makes me sad. Sad because you have all these wrong feelings going on inside of you. Feelings you won't let me make right. Maybe I can't make them right. Maybe I'm not the one but maybe I am. I'll never know because you won't let me in. It's like I need you more but you want us less. Could be that I miss the hope we had or the idea of it all. But I think it's you...I miss you.
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Saturday, November 23rd, 2002

Subject:Good CD coming soon.....
Time:9:32 pm.
Mood: impressed.
Kelly Osbourne's CD is being released on Tues, Nov 26th. This CD totally ROCKS!!! I got to listen to it this weekend online and I was impressed with how good it is. I even pre-ordered a copy. Not only does she have unique style but she can rock out as well.
Her website is pretty cool too. I guess thats what you would get from Ozzy Osbourne's offspring. Check it out at www.kellyosbourne.com
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Friday, November 22nd, 2002

Subject:I HATE THIS JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time:7:26 am.
Mood: frustrated.
I have got to get another J-O-B!! Thats all there is to it. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. There will be a day(soon)that I'm gonna wake and think, "I can't do this anymore". I wish today was that day!!!
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Tuesday, November 19th, 2002

Subject:Changes, changes and more changes
Time:8:59 pm.
Mood: busy.
Ok, I think that the coming year is going to be good to me. As well as bring lots of changes my way.

In March I'm starting Cosmetology school(very excited about this)!! My friend Joe, the true friend that he is, offered to let me move in with him so I can save money while going to school. Along with avoiding moving back home with mom and dad. Not that living at home is a bad thing, just not for me!

If I can swing it, I would like to buy a new car. Preferably a Ford Escape or something along the SUV range.

Oh and if I'm going to school full-time that would mean I'll have to quit Verizon.....WOO-HOO!!!!!! In return means a new job that can accommodate my school hours.

Wow lots to do in the next few months and with the Holidays on top of it...geez, I'm gonna be busy and BROKE!!!!!!!!
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Saturday, November 16th, 2002

Subject:Young, single and with no direction.
Time:10:00 pm.
Mood: restless.
I stand alone still. I had forgotten how lonely this feels. I miss the footsteps on the stairs and the warm body next to me as I fall asleep. I don't want to feel like this anymore!! I don't want to end up alone but intimacy terrifies me. Putting yourself out there not knowing what you're gonna get back. It sucks!! Maybe the days of when your parents chose your husband/wife weren't so bad.

Things are just not working in my life right now. I wish I knew where to start to change it. Do I move, should I go back to school or maybe get a new job? I just don't know what to do and I hate that!!!! It seems as if I've felt like this for awhile. I'm just realizing the length of it now. I know there is something missing. Some hole in my life that is waiting to be filled but what it is...is completely unknown to me right now.

And why does it seem to me that I'm the only one with these feelings?
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Thursday, November 14th, 2002

Time:9:08 am.
Mood: worried.
My Dad is having surgery today. About a month now he's been losing feeling in his fingers and toes. Recently his left leg went numb. Come to find out he has cysts on his spine that have to be removed before they progress and become tumors. I'm worried. There's a chance he could be paralyzed. I guess there's always these kind of chances with surgery but it still worries me. I talked to him last night and you can tell he is so nervous. I wish I could be there for him, be there when it's over, when he wakes up. I HATE living so far away!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, November 13th, 2002

Subject:The first one!
Time:1:01 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Ok after 2 hours of signing on, downloading and updating I'm finally here(thanks Tony)!!! At this point I'm really too tired to even attempt to say anything deep or profound. So pretend this first entry was a great one. Goodnight!
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LiveJournal for Brandi.

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You're looking at the latest 18 entries.